Faith Like a Child

I am super envious of my children right now. Let me tell you why.

Yesterday, I was reclining on the couch reading a blog article on my phone when Elisha ran over to me and proceeded to climb up on me, nuzzle his way up on my chest and come in for some all intrusive, “I don’t care what you’re doing right now, I am the most important”, cuddles. It of course made me smile.

My kids do this to me all day long. It doesn’t matter if I’m having a conversations with someone, cooking dinner, washing the dishes, (trying) taking a break…whatever it is they want they belt it at me with all of their might until I drop what I’m doing and give them my undivided attention.

Most of the time, this frustrates me and I lose my cool and yell or rebuke them and occasionally handle it with grace and use it as an opportunity to teach them patience and manners.

So why am I envious of them you ask?

I wish, with every fiber of my being, that the confidence that they have, to presume upon my time, attention and affection, I shared with them for my (heavenly) Father.

Most of the time I’m frustrated with them for interrupting me once again and thinking that the world revolves around them but they just keep coming! Because they are sure that my world does in fact revolve around them! They are sure that I love them, even if I do get frustrated and irritated, they come back for more because it is their natural instinct to presume upon me for love, attention, time, energy, comfort, affection – whatever it is that their little bodies and hearts are telling them that they need.

But the Lord, He doesn’t get frustrated or irritated EVER when we presume upon His goodness. It is His greatest joy to lavish His kindness upon us. He wants us to presume upon Him every single time we are in need. He knows our frame. He knows our tendency to forget what He’s done for us and what He has promised to do for us and to lose hope. He knows that we are completely reliant upon Him for joy, peace, love, strength, rest, comfort…etc. That was His arrangement from the beginning, that we would need Him and run to Him in our time of need.

But I just don’t do that. I think I probably assume that He will react the way I react when my kids “bother” me. They keep coming back because they have goldfish memories and because they are sure that I love them. But I mean, I wouldn’t keep coming back to me?! And I think in my heart I believe that He is irritated with me, that I’m some kind of nuisance to Him, that He is irritated by my neediness.

But that’s not the case at all. He is good. He is longsuffering. He is patient. He is tender. He is loving. He is not easily frustrated. He is not easily angered. He is kind. He is the best.

If I could just have that same confidence and assurance that my kids have with me with the Lord, if I could just believe that it was a right that I had by being adopted into the family of God to presume upon His goodness…ugh…my life would be so.much.better.

Moral of this story? 2 fold.

  1. I want to be presumptuous with the Lord. Believe that He LOVES to love me and care for me through every single season of my soul.
  2. I want to be more Christ like in my response to my children. Lord grant me patience and gentleness in the way that I love and care for my own. Make me more like YOU!

I need this reality in my life right now. We all do.

“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11)

“Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.” (Isaiah 49:15)

**I know this isn’t an update about the practical things of life right now but it is what is happening in my heart so I hope you don’t mind my epiphanies making their way onto this blog every once in a while.**

Advertisements

Looking for a City Whose Builder and Maker is God

Things are starting to calm down a bit while at the same time pick up a bit.

We’re slowly starting to find our bearings in this town and are starting to get used to the way of life here (as much as you can in 3 weeks). While we are getting the hang of things we are also beginning to meet regularly as a team for prayer meetings. Next week we will begin to have daily prayer meetings, which I am excited about! We were given an anonymous gift that will allow us to purchase a keyboard so that I can now share the load with Dalton in leading some of our sets throughout the week.  It will be so very good for my heart to be able to set my heart again in the place of devotion through the singing and praying of the Word. I have ached for it for some months now.

We have also begun language classes, which is both fun and daunting all at the same time. I am enjoying learning in a classroom type setting again but it also has been a very long time since I’ve been in this sort of learning context and the wheels of my brain are a bit tight and rusted. I’m being stretched. But it is an amazing experience to be able to sit in a classroom, learn some phrases, go out into the streets and begin to actually understand even just a little bit of the gibberish that has filled our ears over these last few weeks.  We have a long way to go, but at least we’re having fun right now!

Our exciting purchase over the week was a DVD player. The boys are pretty excited about this. To “rent” movies here you actually have to buy them and the most common way to do that is to go to the markets and buy bootlegged copies. There were already a few movies left in our house from the previous tenants, one of those movies being “Bolt”. It’s Isaiah’s new favorite. He almost has it memorized, which I am aware that that fact reveals my poor parenting because I have allowed him to watch enough to have it practically memorized! But it’s a nice break when the day is feeling overwhelming.

I watched it the other day with Isaiah while he just cuddled in my lap (love those rare moments) and as we approached the end I began to feel this watery substance formulating around my eyes and then running down my cheeks. I was surprised. What was happening? Was I truly crying at a John Travolta and Miley Cyrus movie? Worse, an animated John Travolta and Miley Cyrus movie?! It was at that point that I realized how fragile and tender my heart was…or that I was becoming psychotic. 

During the movie there is a point where Bolt the dog is realizing that his life is much different than it used to be and as he realizes that he also realizes that it will never be like it was ever again. His cat friend, “Mittens”, tries to help and encourage him by helping him adjust to this new way life. During this scene there is a song playing and the chorus goes a little something like this “There is no home like the one you got, ‘cause that home belongs to you.” I of course felt like I could really relate to this made up talking dog at this point. But there’s just something about it that just wasn’t quite satisfying that need for musical articulation of my current emotional state. And I decided that what bothered me was the line “…’Cause that home belongs to you”.

You see, nothing really belongs to me here, at least not a home and I don’t really expect to ever own while we’re on this earth. But then I got to thinking…nothing in this life truly belongs to us. I mean, we’ve been given things for a time, entrusted with relationships like spouses and children, but even they are only “ours” temporarily. But what does actually, truly belong to us…for keeps

Here’s where I started to like the song…the city of (the new) Jerusalem that will come down from the sky with the Man that will be sitting and ruling the nations with His iron scepter from His throne on Mt. Zion…that place, that place is mine…for keeps! So while I may, for the rest of my time here on earth, jump from house to house that is never my own, gain things only to lose them a few months or a few years later, there is coming a day when I will know what the rest of my life looks like and it will be all satisfying, full of pleasures and treasures and joy that will never ever be taken away from me…not ever!

So, I may not have a home that belongs to me…but I think I’m ok with that. Sure, I have my moments of discomfort where I throw temper tantrums like my 3 year old because I just want to have “a normal life”…but those are the times that I hope to lift my eyes up to that eternal hope that is coming for me and will keep me and satisfy me all the days of my life on this side of time and the next.

“It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going. And even when he reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith—for he was like a foreigner, living in tents. And so did Isaac and Jacob, who inherited the same promise. Abraham was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God.” (Heb. 11:8-10)

I’m holding out for that city who’s Builder and Maker is God.